Christmas Caroling

Merry Christmas from here to there. 

Midwest Specific

This is a raw, unedited iPhone photo of a winter-time sunset

North Dakota has the biggest sky around. 

Midwest Home for the Holidays

"And the prettiest sight you'll see is the holly that will be on your own front door"

LEGO-IZED!!!!

Preston's Grand and Genius Creation

God Jul & Happy Building to all & to all a Goodnight!

Midwest Specific

Hobbit-hole turned Igloo

So, my house is freezing. My life is straight up "Frozen" (BEST MOVIE OF 2013!!!!). 

'

Living in an apartment that is slowly freezing = 2 MIDWEST POINTS

Earth-Shattering

California Confession

I have redrafted my knowledge of snow machinery. Until this week I had never seen a snowblower. Sometime throughout my young life I conceptualized that a snowblower would have the same design and structure as a leafblower*. However unlike a leafblower, a snowblower would shoot out a thin column of flames to melt the snow. 

*an object I had only seen in movies

Revelation

On my drive to work yesterday I witnessed my neighbors and city workers doing something very odd. Men and women were "mowing" every snowy sidewalks with walkable contraptions that shot the "mowed" snow in a perpendicular direction. A thought crossed my mind as I paused at a slushy stop sign: perhaps this is a snowblower.

A SNOWBLOWER
Photo: HomeDepot.com

The thought clicked in my mind like the first time I heard the intended pronunciation of the Hogwart's houses. Thus, I have gained Midwest Knowledge and now have a patent pending for a "Snow Fireball".

Vocabulary

Colloquial Realization

I lack a certain vocabulary. I am without the words to describe snow. I speak rain. But snow doesn't sprinkle or pour. While far from fluent in any precipitation I know that a blizzard transcends the meaning of cats and dogs. I am in the need of new words. 

Snow Sky!

Snow Slang

Without proper terms and syntax I have created my own. Thus far in my life I have witnessed three kinds of snow:

1. Salting: 

A snow salting is comprised of a soft dusting of teeny tiny snowflakes; the way in which snow "sprinkles". 

Road Safety Issues = None

2. Christmas Time: 

Christmas Time snow occurs when quarter-sized fluffy flakes whirl and twirl as if existing in the final scene of any Christmas classic. To me, Christmas Time snow is reminiscent of Disneyland's perfectly perfect bubble soap snow that finishes December firework shows. 

Road Safety Issues = Slippery Streets

3. Blustery:

Blustery snow is a vengeant medium of the water cycle. Thick and thin walls of flakes dampen mittens and hide miles of scenery. Blustery snow is sharp with cold and leaves dirty brown ice in its wake. Once a blustery snowflake flew up my nose. The experience was unpleasant. 

Road Safety Issues = Lack of Visibility, Icy Roads & Thick snow-covered intersections

New Words

With the exception of the damned and determined blustery snowflake my time with snow has been new and nice. Finding words for foreign experiences reveals the deep poetry within all our lives. My life has been blessed with stanzas that captivate and comfort; a theme I wish for everyone.

Midwest Specifics

A pair of rough-n-tumble snow boots have made their way into my ever-expanding slushy, snowy world. 

Owning a pair of snow boots, other than UGGS = 7 MIDWEST POINTS

SNOW WORLD, SNOW LIFE

Winter Wonder/Dangerland

EVERYTHING IS DIFFERENT, EVERYTHING IS NEW. To borrow a sentiment from Cindy Lou Who circa Jim Carey Grinch,  "My world is changing, its rearranging." That is, my world is now a SNOW WORLD. AND I LIVE A SNOW LIFE.

Fargo made it through Thanksgiving with the arrival of the tinniest runt-of-the-litter snowflakes. Preston and I retrieved JC Penny snow globes and other Black Friday booty in a still autumnal world. The post-Thanksgiving weekend trailed on with trips to Target and the unveiling of Preston's home-brewed cider.  We drank on the floor with friends and laughter. And the world was still brown.  But come Monday morning EVERYTHING CHANGED. EVERYTHING REARRANGED.

My Winterized Street

A foot of thick snow had descended overnight. It was beautiful. Side streets and fir trees were candy coated in powdery snow. Angular city edges were made soft. And bare tree branches glistened. The air was refreshingly cold. Each breath seemed to sweep away the remains of humid summer air still lingering in the corners of my lungs. My nose and cheeks flushed in the chill.

Pavement Perils 

This SNOW WORLD, SNOW LIFE  brought about a quest: driving to work in the snow. Before last Monday I had never even been on a snowy road before. And by the end of the day my F150 and I had traversed Fargo's snowy grid.

I bumped off curbs, slid through intersections and drove up a slushy hill at a forty-five degree angle. Driving cockeyed up the hill reminded me of California. My futile attempts to correct my back wheels were reminiscent of biking over Pacific sand dunes-when I used to live someplace warm, ever-so-long ago.

A Glazed Downtown

My struggles continued until the final stretch of my three mile drive. A drive that took twenty minutes. While sliding down Broadway a numerical button caught my eye. Its painted inscription read: 4X4. Four wheel drive is magnificent, a thousand thanks to the genius who invented the snow-friendly function. My day surged with an adrenal rush. The flood of post-trauma chemicals celebrated my survival and triumph over frosted pavement.  I fueled this feeling with eight cups of coffee. A choice I later regretted.

High Fashion

My SNOW WORLD, SNOW LIFE continued with a drastic temperature skydive. Come Thursday the warm thirties abandoned us. A reign of terror hosted by the negatives has taken hold over North Dakota. Yesterday I left for work in -14. To combat such a toxic atmosphere I created my own Arctic Tundra Survival Suit.

Suitin' Up

My ensemble consisted of: leggings, two pairs-one to hold up the leggings- of underwear, ugly socks, brand-new Uggs, Walmart gloves,  wool mittens, a pink North Face fleece, my birthday scarf, a Harlem souvenir hat,  a slouchy shirt-dress, and puppy pajama pants to complete the look. My co-worker Matt said that I looked like a five year old who dressed themself that morning.

Epilogue 

I have currently existed in several days of below zero temperatures. Preston and I even took a short jaunt afterwork in search of downtown Christmas presents. And I am pleased and shocked that I am somehow alive and existing. I am actually in shock that whole societies of people live and thrive outside of Mediterranean longitudes.

I had theorized that humans, like other animals, are meant to be naked and therefore should only live in habitats were one can be naked all the time. HELLO Palms Springs! Preston feels differently. He believes that humans have minds to make tools, such as clothes, and therefore can live anywhere they find a way to survive. 

And while it may not be up to my standards of "Natural Human Habitats" with the help of indoor heating, F150's and puppy pants I have endured my first week of winter. Against all odds. 

MIDWEST POINTS

Enduring my First Week of Winter-Against All Odds= 20 MIDWEST POINTS

Driving in Snow= 7 MIDWEST POINTS

Driving Poorly in Snow= -11 MIDWEST POINTS

Seeing Frozen Water for the First Time= 4 MIDWEST POINTS

Midwest Specifics

Snowplow mountains, Fargo's only topography.

          Oh yeah, by the way, Winter has arrived. Driving in the snow stories will come soon. 

Minne-Break Holiday-Apolis Returns

A Photographic Day Trip to Minneapolis

Part Two

Downtown & About

IKEA

Photograph of Interest

IKEA's use of stuffed animals = strewn carcasses on the Christmas tree?

Midwest Points

Catching a play in "The Cities" = 5 MIDWEST POINTS

Eating a burger with a hefty scoop of cream cheese = 2 1/2 MIDWEST POINTS

Awarded to Preston

Buying a King-Size Holiday Nerds pack at Target Headquarters = 1/4 MIDWEST POINTS

Driving for four hours without heat in 9 degrees = 6 MIDWEST POINTS

Wrapping up in IKEA towels, during said drive = -2 MIDWEST POINTS