Midwest Specific

Eternal Recurrence: Winter Edition

A Midwest April Fools

March Blizzard = April Snow

Fun Fact: I am going into my SIXTH consecutive month of winter.

Fun Fact II: I am going into FOURTH month of sporting da big jacket.

The Threshold/Blizzard Alert: Fargo Wins April Fools

Fargo has pasted the threshold. Spring has come and gone without an invitation to join its merriment and thaw. We will due without daffodils, easter eggs and allergies.

10 AM

 Instead, we shall dwell in this endless loop of winter.

3 PM

On this day, the last day of March, I have crossed icy roads, drifted into snowbanks and enacted my trusty four wheel drive.  We are bound to endure winter once more. 

5 PM

A Winter Weekend (because winter is still happening)

This weekend Preston and I chowed down on dessert pizza*, binge-watched a season of Games of Thrones** and attended a symphony birthday party***.

*an invention so sinisterly sugary, it could only be found in North Dakota

**binge-watching is a necessity to hibernation

***Happy 200 Verdi and Wagner!!

A Thought

Every single day this week has been sung about. "Isn't it beautiful out?"  has replaced "Hello". My mailman friend, Rob, is nothing but smiles. Even overcast Tuesday, grey and bleak, was the recipient of cheers. Roller bladders glide, bikes roll on; the sidewalks are strode upon once again.

Temperatures have bobbed between thirty and fifty degrees this week. Hat-haired grass is revealed beneath the melting layer of snow. My parameters for a beautiful day have expanded since my first midwest winter. A year ago, fifty degrees was an abominable state of affairs and thirty degrees was travesty. But now they are sublime; the beauty in my life grows. 

Missing Pieces

A Hole in the Story

Perpetual frozen fingers and ice cold nights delayed a few Midwest updates. The crown jewel of my missing Midwest experiences was finally finding Fargoian donuts, well almost Fargoian. Donuts are an odd paradox in North Dakota. One would think that the land in love with all things fried, carb-y and sugar drenched would have a grand promenade of donut shops. But this is not the case. Fargo is completely donut free. With one exception.

Donuts Here & There

Grocery stores are the only place to locate the round precious confections. And as a general life rule* I avoid grocery store bagels and donuts. They never live up; such circular treats require an artistic precision that only specialized bakeries can create. Even foreign countries know the importance of a good donut. Thailand, a general place of all things unexpected, had a donut parlor in the center of Bangkok's immigration complex.  I highly advocate government donuts; the doughy sweets ameliorated the bureaucratic torture of attempting to extend our visas. Clearly a food of high esteem in the south east Asian county, Thailand even created a franken-food artistic interpretations.

Donut-Burgers in Chang Mai

*Another general life rule insists that I never don outfits that combine brown and black, I am not an earth tone person.

West Fargo Wanderin'

Beyond Wal*Mart lies West Fargo's city limits. West Fargo is a fast growing and rambunctious place. Bits of prarie lie fallow between gaudy housing developments and run-down duplexes. Yet, the nouveau riche and working class break bread, well donuts, together at Sandy's Donuts. The one issue with Sandy's donuts is that it closed on Sunday. And what is Sunday other than donut day?!!

Donuts, Donuts, Donuts

My new work schedule finally freed up a few Saturdays in my life.  Giving Preston and I the opportunity to make the trek to deliciousness. Once at Sandy's I ordered a cherry donut and a blueberry Bismark (aka jelly donut). Preston engulfed a sour cream chocolate donut as well as a raspberry Bismark.

We drank coffee from "kitchen cabinet" mugs and enjoyed a peekaboo view of the Sheyenne river bank. The decor was homey and the bakery buzzed with overlapping laughter. Our morning conversation spanned from the Wisconsin Blue Grass Band we had seen the night before and Preston's sadness that his donut wasn't filled with sour cream. A sadness I did not share. Because really, a donut filled with sour cream sounds like a horrendous tastebud exercise.

Thesis

My theory on Fargo's missing donuts stems from a hashtag entitled #winterwoes. My belief asserts that the six months Fargo spends below freezing each year, has seriously affected the citizen's ability and drive to "dash" out to collect a pink box of donuts. Without a willing customer base, Fargo's donut shops have perished. But despite the lack of shops, the undying American spirit that loves all things pure, free and tasty survives the terrible tundra, like a permafrost beneath the snow. Thus an indefatigable Fargo-following pilgrimages to West Fargo each and every day for a little something covered in glaze; a following Preston and I have joined.

MIDWEST POINTS

Getting a Bismark = 2 MIDWEST POINTS

Midwest Specifics

In honor of the return of the cold and this evening's snow dusting I have presented a clip of blowing snow. Blowing snow is one of my favorite winter things; except when it really blows, and I find myself stranded in Minneapolis, which was actually quite fun, so I suppose I do in fact always love windy snow days. 

Midwest Specifics

It's Melting!

 Rejoice to Thor & Odin, it is 34 degrees today!!! That is forty degrees warmer than last week! Spring is this you? I sure hope so.

Fun Fact: This winter season has had the most days below zero since temperatures were first recorded in 1888. We have logged fifty days below. This state of affairs deems Preston and I midwest warriors. Huzzzah!

Winter Wins

After a long day of cappuccino creating and panini pressing I am nestling in. Frosted Flakes-sized snowflakes are fluttering about Broadway, 13th and Main. A fresh white layer is carpeting over lane lines and sidewalk cracks.

Hibernation had led me to Gilmore Girls, beers on snow and possibly a pizza or two. Happy Winter!

PS 

MIDWEST POINTS

Going Without Gloves = 7 MIDWEST POINTS

Hibernation

Cozy Cold

A few weeks into January, a few weeks into -20, I stopped fighting the cold. I gave in, and tucked in. Candles are lit and books are read in our little hobbit-hole apartment. Cayenne and garlic billow about our galley kitchen as winter dinner creations are invented. And the heat is always on.

Deciding to do as the North Dakotans do has been liberating. Giving in to the indoors doesn't take long to enjoy. A bath each night to ward off the commute cold and four blankets piled high above our Christmas quilt have become routine. And while I dream about beers drank on summer patios and a return of my sandal tan-lines, I am doing my best to enjoy my final months of winter.

A Hibernation Documentation

Books Read & Re-read:

Gone With The Wind*
Drop Dead Healthy
City of Dark Magic
Cowboys Are My Weakness
Oris A.P.E
A few chapters of Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets**
Greek Myths 
Wild

*ceased reading in New Orleans, in order to give Rhett and Scarlett a chance at a different ending
**read by Preston, listened to by Kailynn

Culinary Creations

Hot & Sour Chicken Stir-Fry
Pasta Carbonara, a la Cayenne
Vegetarian Bacon BLT's
Sweet Potato Fries
Grilled PB&J's
Cayenne Fried Chicken & Waffles*

*Chef Preston's masterpiece

Candle Scents

Bahamian Breeze
Ocean Mist
Tangerine Cloud
Spas of Thailand

Movie Dates

American Hustle
Labor Day
Frozen Sing-A-Long
Rushmore

Ground Hog's Day

With the promise of spring, coming one of these far off-days, Preston and I have began to venture out of the den. We have blissfuly dined on Fargo's finest sushi, bopped along to Wisconsin Blue-Grass and even attended a free drinks happy hour. Reaffirming our in it to win it mantra we sketched a plan to tryout every downtown restaurant and bar. As soon as it thaws a bit. 

A Minnesotan Christmas: Belated

Getting There

Mannheim Steamroller, whiskey roads, streams of billowing snow crossing the highway, gas station stops and frozen lakes; all apart of our Christmas Eve venture to Battle Lake, Minnesota. 

Midwest Specifics

iPhones Say The Darndest Things

 Not snowing snow, or windy snow, but blowing snow. Because that's a thing. Dontcha' know.

The coldest temperature my barely-suntanned body has ever known. 

By the way, Winter officially began on December 21st. 

Zeus, help me. 

Breach of Conduct

The Code

I am a person of few rules. I think folks ought to treat each other kindly. And I believe in most of the amendments. But other than those two guiding principles I think the less rules the better. Yet, there is one code I cannot compromise. The Code of 703.

Drafted by several humanities majors and a lone biology student, The Code of 703 outlines conduct conducive to best living. The trio of lifestyle guidelines are painted in the bottom drawer of a yet another dumpster dresser. And are as follows:

The Code of 703

1. We have messy hair, we do what we want. 
2. Nothing Colorado. Ever.
3. Never have a defeatist attitude.*
(Later Amendment)
*One is allowed to have a defeatist attitude if she has been vortexed. 

CRY, CRY, CRY FACE

This is my code. These are my values. And yet, this is my reality. 

Today I wondered how long I would have to blubber, sob and cry until Preston suggested that we head home to California. Immediately.

Today I deeply questioned my sanity for choosing to live in the grand and grim Great Plains.

Today I stepped outside in -24 degrees, -60 when accounting for wind chill.

Today I threw hot coffee into the air and watched it billow into an arch of dragon breath.

Today my bare fingers stuck and froze to the metal door handle.

Today I witnessed my poor truck recede into an icy slumber that no jumper cables could rouse.

Today I wore two layers of...HATS.

Today I was a defeatist.

Midwest Points

Contemplating Crying My Way Back to California= -24 MIDWEST POINTS

Still Being Alive= 24 MIDWEST POINTS

Christmas Caroling

Merry Christmas from here to there. 

Midwest Specific

This is a raw, unedited iPhone photo of a winter-time sunset

North Dakota has the biggest sky around. 

Midwest Specific

Hobbit-hole turned Igloo

So, my house is freezing. My life is straight up "Frozen" (BEST MOVIE OF 2013!!!!). 

'

Living in an apartment that is slowly freezing = 2 MIDWEST POINTS

Midwest Specifics

A pair of rough-n-tumble snow boots have made their way into my ever-expanding slushy, snowy world. 

Owning a pair of snow boots, other than UGGS = 7 MIDWEST POINTS

SNOW WORLD, SNOW LIFE

Winter Wonder/Dangerland

EVERYTHING IS DIFFERENT, EVERYTHING IS NEW. To borrow a sentiment from Cindy Lou Who circa Jim Carey Grinch,  "My world is changing, its rearranging." That is, my world is now a SNOW WORLD. AND I LIVE A SNOW LIFE.

Fargo made it through Thanksgiving with the arrival of the tinniest runt-of-the-litter snowflakes. Preston and I retrieved JC Penny snow globes and other Black Friday booty in a still autumnal world. The post-Thanksgiving weekend trailed on with trips to Target and the unveiling of Preston's home-brewed cider.  We drank on the floor with friends and laughter. And the world was still brown.  But come Monday morning EVERYTHING CHANGED. EVERYTHING REARRANGED.

My Winterized Street

A foot of thick snow had descended overnight. It was beautiful. Side streets and fir trees were candy coated in powdery snow. Angular city edges were made soft. And bare tree branches glistened. The air was refreshingly cold. Each breath seemed to sweep away the remains of humid summer air still lingering in the corners of my lungs. My nose and cheeks flushed in the chill.

Pavement Perils 

This SNOW WORLD, SNOW LIFE  brought about a quest: driving to work in the snow. Before last Monday I had never even been on a snowy road before. And by the end of the day my F150 and I had traversed Fargo's snowy grid.

I bumped off curbs, slid through intersections and drove up a slushy hill at a forty-five degree angle. Driving cockeyed up the hill reminded me of California. My futile attempts to correct my back wheels were reminiscent of biking over Pacific sand dunes-when I used to live someplace warm, ever-so-long ago.

A Glazed Downtown

My struggles continued until the final stretch of my three mile drive. A drive that took twenty minutes. While sliding down Broadway a numerical button caught my eye. Its painted inscription read: 4X4. Four wheel drive is magnificent, a thousand thanks to the genius who invented the snow-friendly function. My day surged with an adrenal rush. The flood of post-trauma chemicals celebrated my survival and triumph over frosted pavement.  I fueled this feeling with eight cups of coffee. A choice I later regretted.

High Fashion

My SNOW WORLD, SNOW LIFE continued with a drastic temperature skydive. Come Thursday the warm thirties abandoned us. A reign of terror hosted by the negatives has taken hold over North Dakota. Yesterday I left for work in -14. To combat such a toxic atmosphere I created my own Arctic Tundra Survival Suit.

Suitin' Up

My ensemble consisted of: leggings, two pairs-one to hold up the leggings- of underwear, ugly socks, brand-new Uggs, Walmart gloves,  wool mittens, a pink North Face fleece, my birthday scarf, a Harlem souvenir hat,  a slouchy shirt-dress, and puppy pajama pants to complete the look. My co-worker Matt said that I looked like a five year old who dressed themself that morning.

Epilogue 

I have currently existed in several days of below zero temperatures. Preston and I even took a short jaunt afterwork in search of downtown Christmas presents. And I am pleased and shocked that I am somehow alive and existing. I am actually in shock that whole societies of people live and thrive outside of Mediterranean longitudes.

I had theorized that humans, like other animals, are meant to be naked and therefore should only live in habitats were one can be naked all the time. HELLO Palms Springs! Preston feels differently. He believes that humans have minds to make tools, such as clothes, and therefore can live anywhere they find a way to survive. 

And while it may not be up to my standards of "Natural Human Habitats" with the help of indoor heating, F150's and puppy pants I have endured my first week of winter. Against all odds. 

MIDWEST POINTS

Enduring my First Week of Winter-Against All Odds= 20 MIDWEST POINTS

Driving in Snow= 7 MIDWEST POINTS

Driving Poorly in Snow= -11 MIDWEST POINTS

Seeing Frozen Water for the First Time= 4 MIDWEST POINTS

Midwest Specifics

Snowplow mountains, Fargo's only topography.

          Oh yeah, by the way, Winter has arrived. Driving in the snow stories will come soon. 

Headliners

Uniformed

I don't really do the news. I am currently tv-less, only utilize Huffington Post for Kimye updates and never really found my way to NPR. But today I picked up the paper.

Fargo Forum's front page article failed to mention anything about Syria or Miley. It even left out health care reform. Instead, North Dakota's headlining article focused on this year's upcoming winter. My first real winter. I was intrigued. And then...very very scared.

Reading Tea-Leaves, or whatever Farmer's read...

The bulk of the article reported the Farmer's Almanac winter weather predictions. These predictions include:

"A winter with plenty of “piercing cold” and below-normal temperatures."

(PIERCING COLD!!!!)

"The Almanac predicts “significant snowfalls … for parts of every zone."

(SNOWFALLS (what is a snowfalls!?!)!!!!)

"Wisconsin, Michigan, Indiana and Illinois will be among states with “biting cold.”"

(WHICH IS WORSE?? BITING, PIERCING???)

"New England will be “bitterly cold.”"

(WAIT, HOW DOES BITTERLY SCORE?!?!)

"sub-Artic"

(WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?!?!?!)

Conclusion

Post-read I learned about the joys of black ice. Post-learning about the joys of black ice I decided to solely rely on dog-sled transportation come the first snowflake.